First and foremost, you have to realize that if you are seriously contemplating a reconciliation with your Ex, you need to be prepared for the fact that most attempts at reconciliation DO NOT work. However, that doesn’t mean even an unsuccessful attempt at reconciliation cannot have it’s advantages either. You just need to make sure that when you attempt a reconciliation, you do not go in with false hopes or unrealistic expectations.
Remember, there was a reason the relationship ended in the first place, and it is more likely than not that things were said and done during the break up process that will prevent you from having the same kind of relationship you are missing right now. This is crucial because they saying “love is blind” exists for a reason. In their book “Letting Go”, Dr. Zev Wanderer and Tracy Cabot, PH.D., go on to even say, “If love is blind, lost love is deaf and dumb, too” (42). They suggest that for most people, the thought of reconciliation won’t work mainly because they are attempting to reconcile with an idealized version of their Ex, emphasizing their good qualities and downplaying or completely ignoring their faults. This is very dangerous, particularly if children are involved. Not only would you be potentially hurting yourself, but you could drag your children through yet another round of arguments.
However, Zev and Cabot do argue that there is some benefit to a reconciliation attempt even if it is ultimately unsuccessful. They suggest that it could be helpful to attempt the reconciliation as it will give you a better reality of who the lost love really is and why the relationship did not and cannot work in the future. They suggest this is helpful as it will give you perspective and can help you move on more quickly toward your future without that other person We have also personally seen this be helpful with our clients as an unsuccessful reconciliation attempt can relieve any doubts you may still have. Sometimes it can be better to put yourself out there and be hurt than it is to play it safe but always be left wondering “what if”.
Whether you decide to attempt a reconciliation is ultimately up to you. No one can tell you what is best for you and what you most need. Remember you are the “captain of your ship” and no one else. Only you can direct what needs to happen in your life and make that happen.